Retraite met Joan Hallifax (in het engels)

‘Taking in the full catastrophe…’ 

Joan Halifax Roshi says it during her first talk at the retreat in Cadzand. Wow... that is soooo much!...That first talk...the presence of Roshi, the way she listens and speaks...her eyes...the sound of her voice... It is overwhelming. A big, full feeling around my heart...I can’t place it, feel like crying and smiling at the same time.

I like the feeling and I don’t...I dont understand, yet I accept. It is ok, it is more than ok: it is wonderfull! Is this why I am here...to learn to be open, to take in the full catastrophe? Can I? Can my heart handle that? Where am I when that happens?  And many more questions enter my mind. Strange how it works... so much fear of losing control; fear of dying...of loving... of enlightment maybe. Almost all ego based. Taking in the full catastrophe...it sounds so easy...

This is what ZEN is all about, practise detachement and be with what is. And because of the tangible presence of death during the retrait, the urgence to act NOW became even more vivid. Death as an inspiration to live and love now. 

Practice detachement... Opening my heart.

My own Zen master had already put me on the path of becoming more of a Bodhisattva that will help me with love. In Daisan I spoke with Irene Bakker about it. She told me that all hearts are already open and that there are just walls around it which are not necessesary anymore.

The same day, Ton Lathouwers gave a beautifull, vulnerable Dharma talk. Usually I am a bit shy in approaching people who I look up to but Ton acted very open and approachable during the retreat. When we passed each other I did not think and thanked him for his talk. He immediately thanked me in return and said: it’s your heart that knows...’ I was struck and moved by the synchronicity and the wisdom of his answer, like he knew...

Love in action and very inspiring.